Sometimes I get confused about the difference between “images with interpretation” and “images simply shows whoever did these can not draw”.

I clearly realize that sometimes I just refuse to take a good look at models standing in front of me. I think with my hands and let them control my brain. Maybe the image would come out great or expressive, but it makes me feel so empty.

I had a very long conversation with my teacher about how to move on with my career. I told her I felt my work is so boring and predictable. They don’t surprise me anymore. I’m stuck with the technique or skills that I have and can’t find a way to break through. “Maybe you didn’t try to see innocently what the object really is.” She said. Something got to me after the conversation. I started to observe myself when I draw. I have seen myself trying to brag, to hide, to look like a pro, to avoid mistakes, and to control, but not to really look at the model. What I have been doing is mostly putting up a good show. I’m not as true to my artwork as I thought.

Then let’s go back to the “interpretation” issue… Interpretation doesn’t mean I can just let go of what I can’t draw. I have to make logical choices instead.

I’ll keep learning and posting.

Being a rep is not an easy job. I worked for an illustrator agency for more than 3 years now. Although my boss is not always reasonable, he does it OK. I don’t think I’m smooth enough to deal with a lot of situations happening here. Maybe it’s cultural thing; maybe it’s a personality thing.

The movie, Jerry McGuire, inspired me a lot. In my own mind, an agent should really take care of his artists. An agent shouldn’t put money in front of artists’ benefit. An agent should believe in his/her own artists and carries them on no matter they are going through good days or bad days. An agent should find a way to sell a style that s/he believes in rather than ask artists to change. So yes, it takes tons of time and efforts to do this. This is definitely a commitment, an agent to an artist. And yes, that means you can’t take on too many artists at the same time.

How about artists?

Again in my own mind, if an artist decided to get a rep and start a business relationship together, you should be honest with your agent. Sit down and talk about your short term and long term artistic goals. If you are not a self-driven artist and you don’t know what you want for you life, your career will be in trouble very often even with a rep.

To me, a healthy relationship between an agent and an artist should rely on the respect and trust to each other. It also relies on the belief in professionalism. I’m young but I’m an old school person. I still believe in the good side of humanity, faith and trust. 

One of my teachers once mentioned something that left a permanent mark in my working process, make your current image better. That means that i have to face every moment right on that minute. I can’t afford to think that i made a few mistakes before the moment; I shouldn’t picture the perfect result that I can not achieve anymore. I have to live and paint right at this very moment and deal with the image as what it is already. This helps me a great deal because this is the way of being present. From then on, there is no bad drawing anymore. It doesn’t mean I draw perfectly every time. It means I give my best effort to make every drawing the most it can be. There are bad drawings; there are great drawings. The best part is there are drawings in between thar surprise you. That’s possibility. I learned to let go of the existing perfect image and to find new possibilities during the “not-so-succesful process.” Want to put down this experience in words. Make sure I won’t forget about it.

I haven’t drawn something seriously for a long while. This time I sat down and finished the portraits of Phil Collins. I felt both satisfied and unsatisfied. I felt my hand flying and my brain functioning. I have to do next piece. I felt the desire. 

I reblogged everything about art from my other blog. I want to make this blog clean and clear just for my chain of thoughts about art. I hope this will help myself figure out a way to speak with my own art.